Okay, so as a Valorant player, you learn not to trust anything on April 1st, but Riot Games? They really went all out back in the day. I was scrolling through some old gaming archives (it's 2026 now, can you believe it?) and stumbled upon this absolute gem from 2021. It's their legendary April Fools' 'Patch 33 ⅓' notes. Let me tell you, it's a masterpiece of chaos and I wish some of it was real, just for a laugh in a custom game.

Remember, this was all a prank! None of this actually went live, but imagining it is half the fun. They basically took the game we knew and... well, let's just say they had fun.

Agent Updates That Had Me Crying 😂

The agent changes were where the comedy truly shined. My mains were not safe.

  • Phoenix's Curveball (Q): This one broke me. Instead of just a flash, they gave it directional throws based on your mouse buttons. Mouse3 threw it up, Mouse4 down, Mouse5 backward... and Mouse6? Mouse6 threw it between his legs. I mean, come on! The visual of that is just... chef's kiss. Talk about a risky play.

  • Cypher's 'Update': This is the best one, hands down. The note simply read: 'Spycam: Cypher now replaced by a Spycam.' That's it. No more Cypher. Just a camera on a tripod running around trying to plant the spike. The audacity! My sentinel main friends would have quit on the spot.

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Weapon & System 'Upgrades' 🤡

They didn't stop with the agents. They pretended to roll back technology to the stone age of gaming.

  • Melee Weapons: All replaced with... toothpicks. Imagine pulling out a tiny wooden toothpick for your knife fight. The disrespect! The humiliation! It's so dumb it's brilliant.

  • New System Requirements: This is peak comedy for us PC gamers. They 'updated' the minimum specs to:

    • CPU: Intel Pentium III (I had one of these in, like, 1999!)

    • GPU: 3dfx Voodoo 2 or Nvidia Riva TNT (Legendary cards, but for Valorant? No.)

    • RAM: 64 MB (My smartwatch has more memory now)

    • Internet: 28k modem (56k recommended) \ud83d\ude2d\ud83d\ude2d\ud83d\ude2d

    The ping... I don't even want to think about the ping. We've come so far since then.

Competitive Mode Got the 'Vibe Check'

Feeling ranked anxiety? Riot's prank patch had the perfect, most chaotic solution.

  • Rank Reset: 'We realized our Competitive mode could get somewhat stressful at times, so we’ve set everyone to the same rank <3'. Just imagine logging in and seeing everyone, from Radiant to Iron, all at the same level. The community meltdown would be historic.

  • Removed Skill-Based Matchmaking: Gone. Poof. Your first game back could be against a full pro team. It's the ultimate 'git gud' patch note. The sheer chaos of that ladder... it's kind of terrifying to think about.

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But Wait, There Was Real News Too!

Buried in all that April Fools fun was a little nugget of real, datamined info. Back then, data miners found references to a brand new map codenamed 'Foxtrot'. It even had its own loading screen music in the game files! Of course, looking back from 2026, we know this eventually became the map we all know and love (or love to hate). It's wild to see the first whispers of a map that's now a staple in the competitive pool. It just goes to show how far ahead Riot plans things.

Final Thoughts?

Honestly, going back and reading this old prank just makes me appreciate Riot's sense of humor. In a world of super-serious esports and meta-chasing, they took a day to just be silly with their community. The toothpick melees... the between-the-legs flash... setting everyone to the same rank with a heart emoji... it's all so perfectly unserious. It's a great reminder that at the end of the day, it's a game. We're here to have fun, even if that fun sometimes involves imagining Cypher as a literal security camera.

Makes you wonder what they'll cook up for the next April Fools, doesn't it? Maybe they'll bring back the toothpick... just for a day. A girl can dream! \ud83d\ude09